Let's Talk Confidence

 Hey everyone that's reading this! So I know one of my resolutions was to be more consistent, and I kinda went a week without blogging... So obviously my resolutions are going well. XD. Quite frankly, the only resolution that I am even close to going through with is the consistency one, so I guess that says something about how my resolutions are going overall. The technology one I failed hardcore. The eating one I partially did last week, so I can still redeem myself on that one. But the technology one is a complete and utter fail.

 But now onto what this blog is really about: confidence. I know this seems pretty random but for me, it's a constant conversation in my mind. Am I doing this correctly? Is everyone judging what I am doing? Will everything be alright? Oh my goodness, the overthinking never ends with me! I think that it has always been something that I have been mum about: I don't like people thinking that I care about their opinions, yet I crave validation in what I am doing. With that comes an interesting conversation about confidence and how I view myself.

 I have always considered myself as a confident person. I don't need everyone's approval in order to be happy on the inside. But at the same time, I want certain people to look at me and be impressed with what I have done or am doing. But how can I call myself confident whenever I get scared and nervous about how some people view me? And when I say I get nervous and scared, I literally get nervous and scared if I think someone that I care about sees me in an unfavorable light. We all have flaws, don't get me wrong. I just don't like people to see them or think I have any. And that in itself is a flaw. I get paranoid about it at times. It controls what I do and how I do some things.

 But just like any weakness, you have to work through it. I am learning to care less about what some people think of me. Usually the opinions I care about are people that are close to me. I want friends, family, and co-workers to see me in a positive light. But I am learning that these people are close to me because they genuinely like me. If they didn't, they wouldn't have a close relationship to me. So I have to allow myself to be who I am. If those people don't like it, then maybe they don't really like me. Again, overthinking to the max. Anywho!

 Saying "Oh I am working on my confidence" is so much easier said than done. But the things that keep me going is imagining the life I want to live. I have an image in my head about how I want my life to be like in five, ten, fifteen years from now. In order to get to where I am going, I can't focus on the small things holding me back. I image where I want to go, and this helps me go forward. I also believe in visual motivation. I have pictures of people that inspire me to be a better person. By having these people to look at, I think about how they probably faced some hardships. They came out of their hardships to become powerful people. So for that, I respect them, and I choose to be who I want to be. That last sentence probably makes no sense, but I honestly cannot think of a better way to say what I am thinking.

 So this post is probably more rant than it is a blog meant to inspire. But I hope that by sharing my insecurities that some of you guys can have this conversation with yourself internally. It's not an easy topic to have with yourself, but you have to have it. And yes, I talk to myself. Like all the time. And I recommend you do the same! By talking to yourself and getting to know yourself, you grow to be very comfortable in your own skin. Yes, I say that as a conclusion about a blog post about being insecure, but it's true. I know who I am deep down inside, I am just scared of showing that to the world. I hope that clears up some confusion...

 Thanks for reading this, and I hope this helps, even if in the smallest way. (Endings are hard, but I tried)



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